I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
