it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
PANTIES FOUND
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