Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
