I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
