dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
