I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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