dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
