My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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