Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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