My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
