Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
