hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
