The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
