fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
