my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize