Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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