nut hugger
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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