i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
