Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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