Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
