Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
