i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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