You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
