i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I could have mohawked her pubes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
