they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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