There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
