I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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