we have officially lost it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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