Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
