This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
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