in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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