You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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