Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
