I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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