Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You pole danced in your parka.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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