CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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