epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
