hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
