I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
