Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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