So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
