Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize