it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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