Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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