i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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