I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You are a genius and a whore.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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