Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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