Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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