I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
