Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Operation Purity has been aborted
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
