Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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