Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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