I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
