Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize