bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
