he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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