i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize