Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
