is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
