a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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