Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
