I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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