Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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