New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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