i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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