Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
