He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
