just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
